How to Make your
To help strengthening the Muslim families
and spread the teachings of Islam in building families, the Muslim Students'
Association at the University of Alberta prepared a extremely summarized
translation for two books. The books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem
Hamed. An Egyptian scholar, who graduated from the Islamic University
of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi Arabia. The two books are:
1- How to make your wife happy
2- How to make your husband happy
These books exceed the traditional
presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good manners) and
extend into application of these rights in daily life. The following summary
highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what could or should
be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is supported by evidences
from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but evidences
are omitted in this translation. The following is the translation of
the SECOND book.
This translation is copyrighted to
MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free to repost it or reprint it by all
means, provided that you do not make any changes, additions, or omissions
1. Beautiful Reception. After
returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you, begin
with a good greeting
Meet him with a cheerful face.
Beautify and perfume yourself
Start with good news and delay any bad
news until he has rested
Receive him with loving and yearning
Make hard efforts for excellence of
the food & having it ready on time.
2. Beautify and Soften the Voice
For your husband only, it shouldn't
be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)
3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
Taking good care of your body and fitness
Put on nice and attractive clothes and
Bath regularly and, after the monthly
period, remove any blood traces or bad smells
Avoid that your husband observes you
in dirty clothes or rough shape
Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation,
Use the types of perfumes, colors, and
clothes that the husband likes
Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from
time to time
However with these things you should
avoid excessiveness and, of course, only act as such in front of mahrem
men and women.
Hasten for intercourse when your husband
feels compulsion for it.
Keep your body clean and smelling good
as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
Leave your husband to fully satisfy
Choose suitable times and good occasions
for exciting your husband, and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g.
after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.
5. Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT)
You shouldn't be depressed because your
husband is poor or works in a simple job.
You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped
people and remember Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you
You should remember that real wealth
lays in Iman and piety.
6. Indifference to Worldly Things
You should not consider this world as
your hope and interest
You should not ask your husband for
many unnecessary things
Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy
what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look
forward to the hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve
Encourage your husband to reduce expenses
and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.
By the saying of the prophet, the majority
of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the
good done to them.
The result of being grateful is that
your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more
The result of being ungrateful is that
your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should
I do good to her, if she never appreciates?
8. Devotion and Loyalty
In particular in times of calamities
in your husband's body or business, e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
Supporting him through your own work,
money, and properties if needed.
9. Compliance to Him
In all what he commands you, unless
it is prohibited (Haram).
In Islam, the husband is the leader
of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant
10. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry
11. Guardianship While He is Absent
First off, try to avoid what will guarantee
But if it happens that you can't, then
try to appease him as follows:
1- If you mistaken, then apologize
2- If he mistaken then:
# Keep still instead of arguing
3- If he was angry because of external
# Yield you were right or
# Wait until he is no longer angry
and discuss the matter peacefully with him.
# Keeping silent untill his anger
# Find execuses for him, e.g. tired,
problems at work, some one insulted him
# Do not ask many questions and
insist on knowing what happened, e.g.
1) You should tell me what happened?
2) I must know what made you so
3) You are hidding something, and
I have the right to know
Protecting yourself from any prohibited
Keep the secrets of the family, particularly
intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know
Take care of the house and children
Take care of his money and properties
Do not go out of your house without
his permission and put on full hijab
Refuse people whom he does not like
to come over
Do not allow any non-mahram man to be
alone with you in any place
Be good with his parents and relatives
in his absence
12. Showing Respect for his Family
You should welcome his guests and try
to please them, especially his parents
You should avoid problems as much as
you can with his relatives
You should avoid putting him is a position
where he had to choose between his mother and his wife
Show good hospitality for his guests
by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming
their wives, etc.
Encourage him to visit his relatives
and invite them to your home.
Phone his parents and sisters, send
letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc.
13. Admirable Jealousy
Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for
her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not
insulating or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc.
You should not follow or create unfounded
14. Patience and Emotional Support
Be patient when you face poverty and
When you face calamities and disasters
that may happen to you, your husband, your children, relatives or
properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment,
getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on
the path of Allah and remind him of paradise.
When he mistreats you, counteract his
ill-treatment by good treatment
15. Support in Obedience to Allah,
Da'wah and Jihad
Cooperate with your husband and remind
him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.* Encourage him to pray
Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually
and with your husband.
Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually
and with your husband.
Remember Allah SWT much, particularly
after Fajr and before Maghrib.
Share in arranging Da'wah activities
for women and children.
Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good
manners ('adab) for women.
Support your husband's activities by
encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
Yielding some of your rights and a part
of your time with your husband for Da'wah.
Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed
and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah
15. Good Housekeeping
Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
Change house arrangements from time
to time to avoid boredom.
Perfect of food and prepare healthy
Learn all the necessary skills for managing
the house, e.g. sewing.
Learn how to raise children properly
and in an Islamic way.
17. Preservation of Finances and
Do not spend from his money, even for
charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
Protect his house, car, etc. while he
Keep the children in good shape, clean
clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners,
etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.
Finally, please make Du'a for
the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother
Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect
translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors.